I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
