dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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