oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
