my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
