She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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