i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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