I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I would fuck him just for his dog
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
