it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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