did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
