So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
