i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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