tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
