i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
