Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
