Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
