We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
