Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
