I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
These tits shall not be calmed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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