I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
