Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
