she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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