How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
