Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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