he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
