Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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