this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
