We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize