I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
