What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
