I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
