Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This toilet bowl is my home.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize