1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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