I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
