I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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