Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
