I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
