Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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