I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
