Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
