Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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