if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
