im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
