there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
