I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize