ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
