I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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