You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
