I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
