My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
