I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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