Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize