It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
