I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
