Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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