my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
