If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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