i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
