Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
