you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
