i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
