Capitaan dildo arrescate!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
