I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
