I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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