I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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