Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
please come you make the beer taste better
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
