you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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