I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize