I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
