I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
