it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize