Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
