i wish my penis had a tongue
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
