It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
