Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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