I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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