it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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