i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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