Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sorry about my life...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
