I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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