Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
