Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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