Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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