I cockslap morals
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
