He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish my penis had an off switch
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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