Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
