Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
