yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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