its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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