I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
