your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hippo gnu deer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
