You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize
