Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The power of my boobs compel you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
