Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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