Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
