We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
